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December 21, 2006

Two Milestones, One Invitation and Six Weird Things

Way, way back in early December, Janet tagged me for a "six weird things about me" meme. I am finally getting to it.

But first, I want to announce two milestones.

1: This is currently my 301st post. I say "currently" because occasionally, I review old posts and if there's a news item I've summarized and it's either no longer news or the links don't work anymore, I delete it. Anyway, I'm sure there are people who've managed to rack up more than 301 posts in the 17 months they have been blogging, but still, I find my efforts respectable.

2: I finished all my grading and submitted my last set of grades yesterday at 3 p.m., so I'm DONE for the semester.

And I also want to mention that I'll soon by flying to Arizona, where I'll spend time in both Tucson and the Phoenix metropolitan area. I know I have readers in both places.... If you are one such reader and you have any desire to meet me, leave me a comment saying "Hey, I'd like to hang out while you're in the state." And I'll email you and we'll set something up.

OK. On to the six weird things.

1. I don't actually think there's anything "weird" about me. OK, I recognize that I have certain habits and ideas other people consider "eccentric." But the logic behind them is too clear and reasonable in my mind for me to consider them "weird," because I am not capricious--I am logical and methodical and that is not weird. Nonetheless, I can admit that other people find the following things about me strange:

2. I am bothered by the fact that if you enter "100" on a microwave touch pad, you get 60 seconds' worth of cooking, same as if you enter "60," whereas if you enter "99" on a microwave touch pad, you get 99 seconds' worth of cooking--39 seconds more than if you entered "100". So I never microwave anything for one minute, but I often microwave things for 60 seconds or 99 seconds.

3. I really do sort of like ironing.

4. I am a touch obsessive-compulsive and I have to check my locks a number of times to make sure that they are, in fact, locked.

5. I sort of like doing my taxes. I am not really a numbers person, but in small doses I find adding up sums and figuring totals very rewarding, and I like working out, on my own, how to get as much money back from the federal government as possible.

6. I am a stickler for the use of proper terminology when discussing female genitalia. It makes me nuts when people refer to all of female genitalia as "a vagina," because, as I have noted before, the vagina is only one part of the female genitals. And I am always astonished that people who are quite willing to discuss body parts like the taint, and balls, and scrotums, and so forth, balk and recoil at hearing the word "vulva," as if it's a hex as powerful as "ni" seems to be in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

I tag anyone who shares any of my six weird traits.

Posted by Holly at 9:17 AM | Comments (4)

December 19, 2006

Baby Needed a New Pair of Shoes

As I mentioned yesterday, I wore a holiday get-up of green and red for my last day of teaching, and as I planned this outfit, it occurred to me that red tights in the same shade as my skirt might have been better than either the black or cream tights I had to wear. So I went tight-shopping.

And I found diddly. No red tights were to be had in this entire town, not at department stores, not at Target, not even at shoe stores.

However, at one shoe store, I found these:

And as I had a birthday coming up (that's right--I didn't make a big deal about it this year, but my birthday came and went over the weekend), and as baby needed a new pair of shoes, and as they were on sale and fit perfectly, and as I had two coupons I could use to reduce the cost of the shoes so that they were practically free, I had to buy them.

OK, I didn't real need the shoes. And OK, they weren't practically free. But they look really great and I wore them to a party on my birthday and I plan to wear them again soon, so I still think I did the right thing in buying them, and I didn't mind at all about the tights.

Posted by Holly at 10:24 AM | Comments (2)

December 18, 2006

Broaching the Subject of Brooches

Although I really love jewelry and often wear a lot of it, I never used to like pins. In fact, I actively disliked them. I thought they were silly, and I disdained people who wore them, because A) they were jewelry for clothes, not people; and B) they couldn't be worn on more delicate garments, without risk of ripping them; and C) they just seemed out of style; and, most importantly D) only old ladies wore them. Every so often someone would give me a pin or brooch, and I would exclaim, "Oh, how nice!" before putting dragging out a trunk I kept at the back of a closet, where I stored all my ugly, rejected jewelry.

Then, one day this summer, while browsing at a jewelry store while I had my watch repaired, I found this guy:

Now, he doesn't photograph all that well, but trust me: he's really cute. And I have always had a thing for turtles--they're so prehistoric-looking and eccentric and stand-offish--I find it impossible not to love them. And I looked at this guy and thought, "I could stand to pin him to the lapel of a coat," so I bought him, took him home, and wore him a time or two.

And I decided I'd given pins a short shrift.

So I told my mother that if she had any pins she didn't wear any more, I'd take them. And she sent me several, one of which was this large pin, a wreath of holly with a big gold bow, that belonged to my grandmother and that she wore every winter pinned to a bright red suit:

Last week, on my final day of teaching, I went holiday festive: I wore a red skirt, a white shirt, and a tweedy green jacket--the very one you see the brooch afixed to. I stood before my mirror and thought, "This would be the perfect outfit to wear that pin with." And I pinned it to the jacket and surveyed myself, all ready to walk out the door, and thought, "I look like an old lady. Actually, I don't just look like any old lady: I look like my grandmother."

And I continued to look at myself, trying to decide how I felt about that.

And what I decided was that I didn't feel bad. In fact, I decided that one of the nice things about, uh, maturing, is that you can get away with dressing like an old lady.

I really sort of liked it, and I plan to do it again.

Posted by Holly at 4:01 PM | Comments (5)

December 12, 2006

Christmas Meme

This is the first meme I've ever written. It was inspired by Dale's story about his father chopping down Christmas trees.

What greeting of the season do you use?

Happy Holidays. It's not that I'm unwilling to say "Merry Christmas;" I just prefer to include a reference to New Year's as well.

Do you open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?

Christmas morning! Are you kidding? Santa Claus doesn't come down the chimney on the afternoon before Christmas!

Did you leave out milk and cookies for Santa?

No. My mother said he didn't really have time to eat them and anyway, the milk would be warm and icky by the time he arrived. Santa was always generous to us in terms of the gifts he left, but a little rushed and spartan about their presentation. He didn't wrap presents. My mom said he was too busy making and acquiring the presents to have time to wrap them. We could always tell presents from Santa because they weren't wrapped but simply bore tags with our names on them, written in handwriting that looked a lot like my mom's.

What's one Christmas Eve tradition your family had?

OK, we received ONE present on Christmas Eve: every year we got new pajamas, and got to wear them to bed that night. But it wouldn't be right to say we got to open that present, because the pajamas weren't wrapped, either.

(Have I ever mentioned that I LOATHE wrapping paper? I prefer to give and receive gifts in reusable bags or boxes. I hate the waste involved in wrapping something in paper that just gets ripped off and thrown away. I think I am figuring out how I might have acquired that attitude.)

What's your favorite Christmas song?

That's a difficult question, because I really love Christmas music--at least, I love Christmas carols and hymns. I really like old-y weirdy songs like "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" sung by the Motabs. I love "Far, Far Away on Judea's Plains" which is a Christmas song not many non-Mormons know, but all Mormons know it because it's in the Mormon hymn book. I love "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" mostly because it's fun to play on the piano--it's one of the only songs I can play. I love the chorus to "Angels We Have Heard on High." And so on.

I also love Judy Garland singing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" from Meet Me in St. Louis. And I choke up whenever I hear the Band Aid song, "Do They Know It's Christmas?" I adore the way Boy George belts his lines!

And, for obvious reasons, two of my favorite Christmas songs involve holly: I think everyone should "Have a Holly, Jolly Christmas," and I always remember that "The holly and the ivy, when they are both full grown, of all the trees that are in the woods, the holly bears the crown."

What's your least favorite Christmas song?

I hate a lot of popular Christmas music. I LOATHE the wretched "Little Drummer Boy" song--rum-pa-pa-pum indeed! Sometimes I can't bear to be out in public between Thanksgiving and New Year's because it involves listening to horrible versions of jingly, jangly Christmas songs.

What's your favorite Christmas movie?

As of about a month ago, it's Joyeux Noel, which I liked so much I found an excuse to show it to one of my classes. It's a Wonderful Life might be next, just because I can't recall that many others. Are there many others? If I think about it, I guess there are.... A lot of Christmas movies bug me, because they're so, well, seasonal. You can enjoy singing a bunch of three-minute song once a year in a way that you can't really enjoy watching a bunch of two-hour long movies once a year.

What about A Christmas Story?

Is that the one with the pig-eyed blond kid who's always being told he'll shoot his eye out with a b.b. gun? I HATE that movie!

What's your favorite Christmas tv special?

Honestly, I hate them all at this point--I've just seen the old ones, like Rudolph and such too many times, and can't be bothered to watch any new ones.... Are there any new ones?

What's the best present you ever got?

Mm, well, I'm hoping that will be the present I'm supposed to get this year: a new laptop.

What's the worst present you ever got?

Continuing the electronics theme, that would have to be a very old word processor that didn't even work, long about 1989.

What's the best present you ever gave?

About 15 years ago I made one of my sisters a quilt that she still uses every winter.

What's the worst present you ever gave?

I have no idea, because whoever received it was too polite to tell me how much they hated it. But I did make my brother a tiger-striped nightshirt he never wore, not even once. I finally appropriated it and now it hangs in my closet. I should put it to use.

What do you want for Christmas this year?

I've reached the point where I am just happy with whatever people give me. But my mom offered to buy me a laptop for a combined birthday-Christmas present and also because she wants to spend her money on us instead of leaving it to us, and I simply wasn't going to say no.

Is Christmas still a religiously significant holiday for you--in other words, do you celebrate it as the birth of the savior of humanity?

No. I like Christmas a lot: I like the cheeriness; I like giving and receiving presents; I like singing carols and hymns; I like remembering loved ones. But Christmas lost its religious significance for me long ago.

Addendum (see this comment)

Real or artificial Christmas tree?

Well, I tend to travel over Christmas, and I live alone, so I don't typically get a Christmas tree. I much prefer live ones, though, and I am swayed by the argument that they are more environmentally sound, given all that's involved in making an artificial one and the frequency with which people throw them out so that they end up not rotting in landfills, whereas Christmas tree compost is actually very good for a number of uses.

I tag anyone who ever celebrated Christmas.

Posted by Holly at 7:52 AM | Comments (10)

December 9, 2006

Blessed Is the Man Who Goes Around Banging on People's Doors, at All Hours of the Morning, For He Truly Is Jesus's Friend

Here's a clip from John Safran, a guy from New Zealand, who rails, quite amusingly, about what's wrong with the ways Mormons conduct door-to-door proselytizing. And then, just to see how Mormons would feel if someone treated them the way they treat each others, he flies to Salt Lake with a friend, some pamphlets on atheism, a copy of The Origins of Species, and a nametag that says "John Safran, Atheist." Then he goes around and knocks on doors.

The whole thing is pretty damn funny, but I especially love when he says to one person, "May I offer you a reading from 1980s concept band XTC...."

Posted by Holly at 2:40 PM | Comments (7)

December 7, 2006

My Take on the Movie Meme

I got this from Dale--he got it from someone else.

1. Popcorn or candy?

Neither. I don't really like the taste of movie popcorn and I hate paying exorbitant movie theater prices for movie candy. Sometimes I buy candy ahead of time, or make my own popcorn and smuggle it in.... but usually I just like to watch movies and save my calories for later.

2. Name a movie you've been meaning to see forever.

Run, Lola, Run. I've been told it's really good.... but in grad school I had a friend who was getting an MFA in film production and I would have to sit through student film shows featuring LOTS of movies where people just walk down halls for 20 minutes or wash their hands repeatedly or whatever, and I just don't relish the idea of watching a movie that consists primarily of scenes of a woman running.

3. You are given the power to recall one Oscar and give it to something else. What do you choose?

Oh, god, only one?!

I'm really tempted to take away the 1990 best picture Oscar for Dances with Wolves and deliver it over to any of the other four contenders--DwW is schlock to begin with, and anything that inflates Kevin Costner's ego is a source of genuine evil; whereas I think Whoopi Goldberg's performance in Ghost (for which she won best supporting actress that year) might have elevated that movie to best picture status.... then again, maybe not. Or I could correct a historical wrong and see that the marvelous Peter O'Toole won for any of the wonderful roles he was nominated for.... But if I gave him the Oscar for Lawrence of Arabia, that would mean depriving Gregory Peck of the Oscar he won in 1962 for his role as Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird, and that would upset a lot of people; so perhaps I could do something about the 1964 Oscar for best actor, which went to Rex Harrison for playing Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady instead of to O'Toole for playing Henry II in Becket, except that I'm not sure that's such an injustice; but then, there's the other movie where O'Toole plays Henry II, The Lion in Winter, for which he was nominated but lost to Cliff Robertson in Charly.... what the hell was Charly and who has seen it? Oh.... it's an adaptation of Flowers for Algernon. Hmm.... that might be a wrong that truly needs righting.

In the end, however, I think I'd have to succumb to my hatred for that wretched mallrat Gwyneth Paltrow and deprive her of the Oscar she somehow won for Shakespeare in Love, and give it instead to the luminous Cate Blanchett for Elizabeth, which was, admittedly, so historically inaccurate that everyone involved should be ashamed. Nonetheless, Cate was really, really good at portraying one of my favorite historical figures of all time.

4. Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe.

Well, let's see.... I already own several versions of both Michelle Pfeiffer's and Halle Berry's Catwoman outfits from whichever Batman or Catwoman or Small Furry Mammal People movies they were in, and right now I'm lounging about in my Galadriel (Cate Blanchett's character in The Lord of the Rings, for those of you not cool enough to get the reference) outfit because it's just so stinkin' comfortable. As for when I want to make an impression, I never tire of dressing up in my version of the entire ensemble Scarlet O'Hara makes out of the green velvet curtains, though I've gotten a little bored with my Dorothy dress and my ruby slippers--I mean, who doesn't have a Dorothy outfit! Now that snow has arrived, my favorite outfit to wear to the grocery store is my Gandalf the Grey robe and cloak (I have a staff too, but it sticks too far out of the cart), though in summer, I prefer to buy my comestibles dressed as Barbara Bach in Caveman--for one thing, I get such good service at the meat counter that way! I admit I've always wanted some of those "shoes as hats" featured in Brazil, but those aren't an entire costume.... So I guess the new addition to my wardrobe will have to be the thigh-high boots and swingin' dress decorated not with fringe but with blond human hair (which is why it has such nice movement to it when she shimmies) that Hedwig wears at the end of "Wig in a Box."

5. Your favorite film franchise is....

Lord of the Rings. Yeah, I loved all three, though I did get a little tired of the way Elijah Wood would say, ever so earnestly, "Sam...." I went to midnight openings of the first two (I would have gone to a midnight opening of the third, but my life had complications), reread the books to prolong the pleasure, then bought each boxed DVD the day it came out. The books were really good, and the movies were good too: artistically refined, ethically complex, emotionally moving. I was really sad when there were no more to release.

6. Invite five living movie people over for dinner. Who are they? Why would you invite them? What do you feed them?

Do I have to? I don't know that I want to cook food for movie people. I'd rather just enjoy their work while I eat my dinner myself.

Well, if I must.... The first person I'd invite is Andrew Davies, the guy who writes the fabulous adaptations of all those British novels. I'd ask for tips on how he does it, and I'm sure his general conversation would be pretty damn enjoyable.

Next is a toss-up between Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. I find Johnny Depp really attractive but I'm not sure he'd be good dinner company. I'd be willing to feed Angelina, though, and talk to her for an hour or two. I'd like to know about her humanitarian efforts, and find out if she's as beautiful in person as she is on screen. She could bring Brad, or she could not.

Next would be.... Ang Lee, I guess. I'd ask him about the beginning of Eat, Drink, Man, Woman, where the Chinese woman is listening to what sounds to me like The Mormon Tabernacle Choir on headphones. Plus he's a cool guy from Taiwan, who directed an adaptation of a Jane Austen novel, and made a luminously gorgeous movie set in the American West. Kind of combines a bunch of my interests there.

Speaking of Jane Austen novels.... I'd love to meet Emma Thompson. I'd ask her about adapting Jane Austen (she wrote the screenplay for Sense and Sensibility, which Ang Lee directed) and about appearing in the "University Challenge" episode of The Young Ones.

Rounding out the guest list would be... Sandra Bernhard! Of course! Why didn't I think of her sooner? My reasons for inviting her are explained here.

As for the menu-- inviting Sandra means that I'd have to serve ham and a hot canned fruit cocktail compote, and the drinks list would have to include Remy Martin with a water back. I'd make Mexican food, probably, and a chocolate cheesecake for dessert. (I'll have to post the recipe for that one soon.)

7. What is the appropriate punishment for people who answer cellphones in the movie theater?

Watch this clip and find out.

8. Choose a male and a female bodyguard from a film.

Mark Darcy from Bridget Jones's Diary and Hedwig from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. I mean, Mark Darcy made a pretty good show out of trying to beat the crap out of Daniel Cleaver (plus he offered to pay for all the damage afterwards!) and Hedwig was willing to use a broken beer bottle to gouge out the eyes of any female fan who got to close to Tommy Gnosis. But even more valuable than their skills at fighting dirty would be all the fun I'm pretty sure I'd have when physical violence to my person was not an imminent threat.

9. What's the scariest thing you've ever seen in a movie?

I recently watched Hearts and Minds, a 1972 documentary about US involvement in Vietnam. There's actual film--not a still, but rolling film--of that Viet Cong officer being executed with a bullet to the brain, so that you see him stand there one second, then crumple and fall while blood runs out of his head. That really freaked me out, as did the stock footage of the little naked girl, all her skin burned off by napalm, running down the road, or footage of a woman carrying a baby, another napalm victim, its skin hanging in tatters from its arms and legs. I had to stop the movie and become hysterical at those points....

That's the scariest thing I've seen recently, maybe ever, because it's all a real depiction of real suffering inflicted by my government. But as a distant second, terrifying images that live on in my memory despite my best efforts to forget, I would have to name all two hours of Shakespeare in Love. To start with, the movie stars the loathsome Gwyneth! The characterization is inconsistent, while the jokes are absolutely moronic (could they have milked that inane line about "Romeo and Bertha the Pirate's Daughter" or whatever it was for one more tired, lame laugh?) and the plot is full of holes so gaping and substantial you could have marched Elizabeth Tudor's entire entourage through any one of them. Yet people liked this shit! It actually won awards!

10. Your favorite genre (excluding "comedy" and "drama") is

Musicals. Duh.

11. You are given the power to greenlight movies at a major studio for one year. How do you wield this power?

By writing several screenplays, hiring smart people to produce and direct them, and watching my new Hollywood career succeed beyond my wildest dreams.

12. If Jesus were to submit a synopsis of a documentary about life in America since 9/11, what would his p.o.v. be?

The frustrated, irate guy who says, "I'm outta here, but before I go, I want all you assholes to quit invoking my name when you go off and shoot people. And for christ's sake, quit asking for my help when all your war-mongering comes back and bites you in the ass."

13. Down in front, all you troublemakers.

I've already complained about adults who bring little kids to grown-up movies.

I tag anyone who's seen a movie in the past month, as well as anyone who hasn't blogged in a month.

Posted by Holly at 12:16 AM | Comments (3)

December 6, 2006

Gather Ye Roses

Here's what the rose bush outside my front door looked like at the beginning of last week:

In other words, it was pretty darn warm for the Northeast at the end of November. November 30 it was warmer in northwestern Pennsylvania than it was in southern Arizona: at my house, the high was 67 degrees, while at my parents' house in Tucson, the high was 45 degrees.

Here's what my rose bush like at the end of last week:

In other words, it got cold.

Posted by Holly at 1:23 PM | Comments (1)

December 5, 2006

Stonehenge as Hospital

I own a book called Love Is in the Earth. It's an encyclopedia of various gems and stones, both precious and semi-precious, but it won't tell you how to judge their monetary or aesthetic value, how to cut or set them. Instead, it explains the mystical healing properties of the stones listed in it.

Now, that sounds like a lot of mumbo jumbo to plenty of people, but I was profoundly and profusely ill at more than one point in my life, and collecting pretty stones and hoping their vibrations would do me some good seemed as sensible as visiting a man in a white coat, who would bombard parts of my body with invisible "rays" (as in X-) or "waves" (as in sonar) as some sort of diagnostic procedure, and then tell me stuff I already knew, such as "You're ill," before adding, "but I don't know how you got that way and I don't know how to make you better, so go home and hope it clears up and if anything changes, come back."

Understand: I still visited the guy in the white coat, but I figured I should cover all my bases. So I also bought pretty stones. I would hang them in front of my window, or put them under my pillow, or tote them in my pocket, though I was also fond of carrying them about my person in the form of earrings, pendants, rings and bracelets. People have asked me, when I've mentioned buying the stones, "Didn't that get kind of expensive?" I suppose it has, if you count the really fancy stones in really fancy settings that I wear as jewelry.... But the cost of all the loose stones I've ever bought in my entire life hasn't come close costing what I paid for prescription drugs during a single year of grad school. (This was back before we managed to get a grad student union at the University of Iowa.) Not only were the stones cheaper; they were also more psychologically empowering, and still look pretty in the container where I keep them.

Now, this idea that stones have mystical healing powers is not new; instead, it's extremely old. In fact, the giant dolerite and rhyolite stones used in the construction of Stonehenge were believed to have healing properties. Understand: these were special stones weighing several tons, dragged all the way from Wales, while other parts of Stonehenge were locally quarried sandstone. Why go to the trouble of getting great big stones from someplace so far away when there are nice big chunks of rocks to be had nearby, unless it's because there's something special about the foreign stones?

Which is why someone has argued that Stonehenge was a hospital--that, and the fact that surrounding Stonehenge are burial mounds, containing a remarkably high percentage of bodies with strange deformities. Yes, the stones of the site were aligned to astrologically significant points, but that was not the whole point. It wasn't an observatory. The point of matching things up with pivotal days of the calendar was that such matchings would augment the inherent healing power in the stones. The people who hung out at Stonehenge were either sick people hoping to be cured, or shamans hoping to cure them, not religious pilgrims or esoteric priests presiding over arcane rituals.

I admit this argument, advanced by Professors Geoff Wainwright and Timothy Darvill and summarized by Steven Jenkins in a commentary for the Guardian UK, makes sense to me. And had I been some prehistoric chronically ill person, I probably would have attempted a pilgrimage to Stonehenge the hospital. For that matter, I'd probably make a pilgrimage there if it were still a hospital. Or maybe I wouldn't--I believe that Sedona, Arizona, is an intensely powerful place, but it's so overrun with rich people that I prefer to stay away, and find my healing in the desert's solitary places.

Posted by Holly at 9:16 AM | Comments (3)

December 4, 2006

Blogging as Habit, Blogging as Confession

OK, I admit it: my dismal blogging lately is due only partly to the fact that I've been really busy; there's also the more troubling fact that I've gotten out of the habit.

There was a message my mother communicated to me early on: it's important to develop good habits, because good habits support your ability to do everything else you want or need or like to do, and generally make your life easier. She didn't phrase it that way; she just made me do things every single day, like make my bed very shortly after getting out of it so that it looked neat and tidy all day and the sheets felt "rested" and smooth when I got it in at night, or brush my teeth before I go to bed so that I didn't have to spend lots of time in a dentist's chair having cavities filled (unfortunately I ate too much candy as a child for that to work as well as desired), or hang my clothes up neatly so that they looked good when I took them out of the clothes, or do my homework as soon as I got home so that I could enjoy a leisurely evening. I learned this lesson so well as a small child that when it came time to go to college I already had impeccable study habits, and my money-managing habits are pretty irreproachable as well.

For over a year I blogged three to five times a week, and it was a habit that helped me feel like I was keeping my writing skills honed, staying in touch with friends, reserving a few hours every week for something that entertained and informed me.

And then my life got really hectic and something had to give, and blogging was what I decided to let go.

For a little while I felt kind of triumphant. I have a couple of friends who gave up blogging, "released themselves from the tyranny," as one of them put it. "I can give it up, too!" I crowed to myself. "I'm not an addict."

But now I feel empty and sad when I think about how I used to blog, and overwhelmed and hesitant when I think about blogging again, because I've let it go for so long, neglecting not only my own blog, but the blogs of my favorite fellow bloggers, and it seems like I'll have to work very hard to reestablish my habit, and get caught up on all that has transpired in my absence.

Still, I'm going to try.

Posted by Holly at 10:54 AM | Comments (7)